Musings Of An "Older Woman" For The Young At Heart

I am a contradiction of terms to say the least. To some, conflicted would be a better word.  Perhaps being born under the sign of Gemini The Twin has something to do with it, if you go in for that kind of thing.  I don't.  I think it is much more a normal tension in the process of being and becoming.  On the one hand, I am a past-middle-aged grandmother who has experienced a wonderful and complex life spanning more than five and a half decades.  With that has come some wisdom, both worldly and heavenly...hard-earned complete with tattered heart and tears... but rich with the trophied grace of victory in Christ.  Along with that well-worn "Grami" there is a truer core deep inside me of a

little "Girl"... fresh, carefree and untethered by acceptable norms who is still learning how to know and trust her Heavenly Father for who and what He has created her to be.  The challenge for me in navigating this path of life has been to try to maintain the integrity of the innocent, adventuresome spirit of that little girl within while continuing to grow into mature glory.  The goal being that the Holy Spirit continue to transform my character into the image of Christ without too many of the world's prejudices molding me into what it defines as the expected and acceptable path of maturity.

The other day was one such example of this ongoing conflict.  It was a very rainy morning.  The kind that makes you want to linger pajama-clad for hours in front of the fireplace reading and sipping tea.  I had been... until the long lit Christmas tree beaconed me to please disrobe it and put it to bed until next season.  I was about to muster any traces of unspent energy from a weeklong bout of the flu when my sweet friend, Heather texted me to serendipitously meet her for lunch since she'd be in my area late that morning.  I hadn't planned on going out that day, but since I hadn't really been out at all for over a week, the invitation for her company wooed me out of my comfort as well as out of my long-awaited chores.

Oh, the chores!  Here we were a week into the New Year and I was already behind on all of my resolutions to get more organized.  Not only were my Christmas decorations still up (the last ones in the neighborhood as my husband ever so gently whined) and all of my regular household chores, work projects, and correspondence piled high from neglect during my illness; but my pumpkin from October was still sitting on the front doorstep! It was still so lively looking that I hadn't the heart to throw it away and it was much too old and fibrous to think of cooking.  It seemed content to co-exist with my Christmas garland, wreath, and lights.  As much as every day had been a failed attempt to get caught up and today was going to be THE day, I pushed past the thought of the piles and latched on to the life-lesson of "people over projects in prioritizing purpose".

As I rose from my "comfy chair" to turn off the fireplace, the little "Girl" voice inside said, "I think I'll wear my pink raincoat and my pink polka dot rain boots.  Maybe if I look cute today my world will feel more ordered."  You seriously didn't just say that out loud, did you? "No, I didn't say it out loud.  Besides, it's just us here so it's all good."  Why is it that we sometimes feel that if we look good on the outside that no one will see our chaos?  Do a cute pink raincoat and matching pink polka dot rain boots make all the piles go away or is it just an expression of Whose we are to be able to bring beauty to any small aspect of life that we can while we pursue the true substance of life which is relationship with people?

"What matters is not your outer appearance - the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes - but your inner disposition.  Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in." (1 Peter 3:3-4 The Message Bible)